


Jealousy

by BluePower24



Series: Troubled Mind [5]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asperger Syndrome, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Lexa, But really it's all in my head, F/F, I swear I'm not this paranoid in real life, I think I'm broken sometimes, I'm afraid of losing people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 15:14:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17789759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluePower24/pseuds/BluePower24
Summary: Clarke had gone on a date with a boy, who apparently works in the stables. Lexa isn't taking it very well.





	Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm not dead :)

Clarke had the day off. It had been Lexa’s call. She wasn’t a baby, she didn’t need a nanny to take care of her 24/7, despite what her other thought. Besides, Clarke had asked to leave that day. And if Clarke wanted her space, ok then. If she wanted time hang out with other people, fine. If she preferred to spend time with the stable boy instead of Lexa, just… peachy.

At least Lexa wouldn’t have to hear her friend rambling on and on about the shaggy haired boy.

Lexa would be ok. She had been just fine on her own before Clarke came along, she could survive a day without her. She just needed to stick to her schedule, eat her meals in time, do her homework and take her pills… And deal with this… nagging feeling in her chest.

Lexa was sitting at her desk, doing homework, when she heard a crack noise. She looked down and her pencil had broken. Correction. Her fist was closed to tightly around the piece of wood that made it snap. Lexa was shocked for a second, before taking another pencil from her drawer, taking a deep breath, and continuing her homework.

Later, when she checked the clock, she couldn’t help but wonder what Clarke was doing. Usually she would be lounging in the couch while Lexa worked, but certainly not that day. That day she had gone on a date with… _him_.

And suddenly she felt the urge to scream or punch something. A bag or even the wall. Anything to take out this… this… anger? Rage? Yeah, those seemed like good words to describe it. But she could just breath in and out until she called down. She had to be quiet. Her couldn’t know about the blood curdling shrill that seemed to be struck in the knot of her throat. That anger bubbling in her veins, that tensed her muscles and begged to be used on something… or someone. That picture she had on her mind, of her room completely trashed and ruined, like the cage of a wild animal.

But she wasn’t jealous. Oh no, she wasn’t. Why would she be jealous? Just because her best and only friend ditched her to go on a date with someone clearly inferior? Nonsense.  What was there to be jealous of, anyway? Not that Lexa minded him much, she wasn’t social enough for that, but she had checked his social media – Because what better way to get to know someone than the basic cyber stalking, am I right?

The point is, from what she had seen, there wasn’t much to it. Small town boy, with that boyish charm, cute smile, and knowledge about horses. It could be interesting but wouldn’t hold a conversation for more than 10… maybe 15 minutes.

So no, Lexa wasn’t jealous of him… not at all.

 

* * *

 

That night, Lexa couldn’t sleep. She had tried, but she kept tossing and turning. She missed Clarke. Missed the constant presence she had grown used to. Countless times during that day had Clarke turned to say something, only to be met by emptiness. And then she would remember. Clarke wasn’t there. She was with that boy.

Lexa looked at the clock. It was almost midnight. She was supposed to be asleep by that time. But her head was so full of questions.

Why was she feeling like that? Why did Clarke preferred to be with Stable Boy instead of her? What did he have that she did? And why hadn’t Clarke texted all day? – Granted, Lexa had ignored the one wishing a good morning, but still.

Who did Stable Boy think he was, anyway? Stealing her friend away from her. It was all his fault. If it wasn’t for him, Lexa would have to worry about losing Clarke. She cursed both Stable Boy and Clarke, for leaving her alone.

“I was here first! She’s mine!” Lexa screamed into the quietness.

She wasn’t sure when she started to cry, but she didn’t care. And she didn’t care about the noise either. She just turned in her bed and cried in her pillow until she fell asleep, exhausted.

Not jealous? Yeah right.

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, this is an EXAGERATION. I don't think this intensely every time a friend of mine isn't hanging out with me.
> 
> However, I do have a lot of insecurities. Because of my some-what poor social skills, I end up failing in cementing friendships. Many of my "friends" have abandoned me, and I always fear that I might be the problem. That people get tired of me and replace me with someone easier to handle.
> 
> I go through that specifically with my best friend. I love her to death, and honestly, I don't know how I haven't driven her away yet. I'm terribly afraid to lose her too. (And no. Before you ask, she is not "my Clarke").
> 
> So yes, I can be paranoid, I can be possessive, and I can have a hard time managing my anger. But I also don't act on it. I know I can't have someone all to myself, and I know my friends have a life which doesn't include me. And I'm ok with that most of the time. Except when my brain fries and I have the occasional episode, but other than that, I'm fine.
> 
> I'm pretty sure this isn't an autistic thing, but the point after all this ramble is: I'm a social inadept, and because of that, I'm afraid to lose the people I care about. There.
> 
> If you've made it this far, thank you for reading, and please leave a comment. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.


End file.
